Now that I am finished with my Masters in Family Education, I will finally have time to tend to the blog.
OUR GOAL: To have positive relationships and to enjoy life with those we love! I like to call my groups Family Enrichment and not Parent Education because I do not feel any of us, no matter what our experience or our education, is in a position to simply educate! I am working on my relationships and ways to enjoy them as much as anyone!
I would like this to be whatever is most helpful to my visitors. I think that may be a combination of me addressing concerns from my experience and also from what I have learned from my studies AND visitors answering questions for each other from their experiences and education.
At the same time we may be able to help each other put out fires, we may also be able to help each other prevent those fires that mess with family peace! And this helps pave the way for family enrichment.
In addition to addressing issues that are brought up by visitors to the blog, I will also do postings on my own initiative to provide starting points, information, ideas, etc. If reading a posting that particularly sits right with you, but don’t really want to comment in length, posting a smiley face will indicate that very succinctly : ) If you really don’t agree, rather than a sad face [or worse!] : ( please take some time to share your perspective.
One of CrabbieMasters’ Key Tenants is: LIFE IS TOO SHORT TO LEARN EVERYTHING THE HARD WAY! We are enlightened when others share their perspectives and we take time to consider them.
Someone once told me “Becky, we all have blind spots!” At the time, that comment was very true in the situation I was in. It was when I first became a believer in hearing perspectives other than my own!
BE KIND AND RESPECTFUL
This works: My perspective is……. Or I look at it a little differently……
This does not work: I do not agree with that! Or Wow, what rock did you crawl out from under………Or LOL I cannot believe anyone still thinks like that!
OUR GOAL: To have positive relationships and to enjoy life with those we love! I like to call my groups Family Enrichment instead of Parent Education because I do not feel any of us, no matter what our experience or our education, is in a position to simply educate! I am working on my relationships and ways to enjoy them as much as anyone!
After so much success with pre-kindergarten reading in preschool this year we want to keep the momentum for the summer and still do our Kids-In-Charge Camp.
Becky’s goal is quite simply to help parents maximize their potential for enjoying their everyday life as a family and for creating positive parent-child relationships that will carry families through all of the normal ups and down of daily life.
By the end of April, Becky will have completed her Master’s degree in Family Education from the University of Minnesota’s nationally ranked College of Education and Human Development.
Along with group members’ varied experiences, she will bring:
o25+ years of working directly with preschoolers and their parents
o5 years as an elementary teacher
o1+ years as a Robbinsdale School District ECFE Parent Educator
oExtensive training in current theory and best practices
Becky is well prepared, experienced and respected for her abilities to lead parents to discover and build from their own styles, strengths and goals, and to learn from one another in a variety of situational and theoretical contexts.
Four Cornerstones Format
I.Use of the Reflective Dialogue Parent Education Design (RDPED)
oRDPED encourages and supports parents by modeling, in adult group dynamics, approaches they can learn from and integrate what they see as fitting into their own individual parent-child interactions. This approach is an outgrowth of a five-year federally funded research project conducted and field-tested by the University of Minnesota.
oExtensive research has shown that the parent-child interactions most closely related to ‘positive outcomes’ are those which are:
·Sensitive
·Responsive
·Reciprocal
·Supportive
oParents will:
·Use their own personal experiences
·Watch and discuss video-taped cases of others
·See how personal beliefs influence parenting approaches
·Experience perspective-taking from both adult and child points of view
·Engage in self-reflection and dialogue ‘exercises’
II.Immediate and Short-Term Problem-Solving
oShare concerns and gain perspectives from each other on different ways to handle specific concerns
III.Proven Hands-On Take Home Ideas & Applications
oIntroduction to CrabbieMasters & more…
oU.L.T.I.M.A.T.E. Skills
oKids-In-Charge
CrabbieMasters & Associated Take Home Tools
Becky will introduce you to many ‘field-tested’ strategies she has learned over her 30 years of working directly with children as an elementary school teacher, a daycare provider, a preschool teacher, and as a mother. CrabbieMasters is fun and easy to use by children and adults. Although created independently from within her own experiences with preschoolers, learning to master ‘The Crabbies’ is very much in concert with principles that current research supports as optimal parenting strategies. Group participants will be provided with hands-on tools that have already been proven in preschool. Becky credits CrabbieMasters as a major component that helps ‘center’ young children, build confidence, and create an internal ability to manage their emotions and to be at their best when it comes to learning, having fun and playing with friends.
IV.Attunement Perspective
Family Enrichment groups are designed and facilitated from what is called an ‘Attunement’ perspective.
In a nutshell, this means that while there certainly are various important topics that will be the subjects of our groups, Becky does not stick to a rigid curriculum. The direction the group takes within any specific session and across any series of sessions is integrated with and modified based on what issues and needs arise within any given group.
This attunementperspective is thought of as a ‘new’ perspective, according to what Becky has learned in her education at the U of M. Researchers Thomas and Lien (2005) have this to say about the attunement perspective, “Understanding is a primary goal of human beings that is reflected in the Attunement Perspective. Being heard and understood, understanding their situations, and becoming more self-aware and aware of one’s own situation and circumstances in society are all central to this perspective.”
Without putting a particular handle on it, the attunement perspective is what Becky has taught from very successfully since her first days as an elementary school math specialist.
Fall 2009 Family Enrichment Group Venues
oBecky’s Place
·Similar to being committed to teach young children within the warmth of a private home, Becky constantly strives to work with parents in comfortable settings that integrate personal reflection, open and respectful dialogue, multiple parenting perspectives, and ideas from others who study and research in this and related fields.
·Small group format (6-10)
oOrganizations wanting on-site offerings
·Small to medium (6 -20 adults) group formats at your site(s) in as much comfort of a home as we can all create together
oChurch, community, neighborhood and other settings
Summer 2009 Family Enrichment
oIf you would be interested in starting a summer group, contact Becky.
‘Related’ Resources
In addition to Becky, her adult daughters will also be available intermittently to join in:
oAndrea has a degree from the U of M College of Education and Human Development
oJenna has a degree in psychology and a PhD in counseling psychology from the U of M and is a practicing psychologist at the Minneapolis VA hospital
All Family Enrichment Groups are 8 week sessions
Proposed Fall Schedule
Monday or
Tuesday eve 7:00 – 8:30 pm Becky’s Place
Wednesday or
Thursday eve 7:00 – 8:30 pm church - community - neighborhood groups
Children’s Groups
oSocial Time and Introduction to CrabbieMasters
oFor children of Family Enrichment groups
oIncludes a 15-minute introduction with parents
Saturday am 9:00 – 10:30 or
11:00-12:30 (bring a bag lunch)
Organizational on-site groups: TBD
Private consultation is also available
Becky is always open to feedback and suggestions. Feel free to call or email questions or comments.
Email Becky for more information & registration materials at eundlin@comcast.net or call 763.476.1052
It’s finally cold enough to get excited…if this bone-chilling weather doesn’t bring The Ice-Cold Crabbies out…nothing will!! Like his friends, The Ice-Cold Crabbies just love to make life more challenging. Fortunately, as with all of the other Crabbies, CrabbieMasters can show you how to BEAT The Ice-Cold Crabbies too!!
This week, we helped keep Ice-Cold out in the cold by having a couple of sleepovers with the preschoolers. This went way cool!! And truly dampened Ice-Cold’s spirits…it really bugs him when people know how to handle him…
But, since this easily could be a first time intro to the ever-irksome irksome Crabbies, CrabbieMasters has decided the best way to beat Ice-Cold could easily come from anyone who has a good idea to share after ‘getting the hang of it’ per The CrabbieMasters’ website - www.crabbiemasters.org
By the way, the whole ‘Most Wanted Crabbies’ and how to handle them is primarily oriented for young children. They get a major kick out of “The Crabbies!” and love all the different ways to beat them.
Truth be told, The Ice-Cold Crabbies haven’t really been out all that much since they first showed their claws in 1996… quite a few relatively mild winters… but he just had to take advantage of all the fun he could have with it being this cold for so many days…
Note: although I am still having a hard time writing things up here, as the blogs and very spread out and few dates below show, maybe this will help me get this going again too. It’s been so busy running the preschool, the home, and working on the [finally] nearly finished Master’s in Family Education from the University of Minnesota - just one class over the next 4 months to go!!! Wish me luck!!! Especially keeping the Hurry-Up and Too-Tired away…
so far so good…well…most of the time… The CrabbieMaster
Research shows that children who receive a good educational start between birth and age 5 are likely to do well in school. Academic
success, in turn, gives them a better chance of growing into productive, contributing adults.
That’s all part of changing attitudes about the care of young children. Whether children are at centers or in home care, they should be in a fun, safe, educationally stimulating environment.
Too many adults still think of day care as babysitting, or simply a place to park youngsters while parents work. It should be much more.
Every single preschooler knows the response to the statement, “When Asked to Do It…” (“You Get Right To It!”)
It is quite a bit like ‘Knock Knock’ jokes. They think it is funny every single time!!
Hurry-Up is a great asset when you want the kids to clean up before meals.
I tell them that I have to make lunch and we should see if we can beat Hurry-Up. A special spin I sometimes put on it is to suggest to them that I will set the buzzer and we can try to get our jobs done (mine to make lunch and theirs to cleanup BEFORE the buzzer goes off ), and then I add, “Hey, do you think you can beat me?!
They love the contest to beat me……..and they ALWAYS do!
Yesterday we had to spend a little time going over listening. I tied listening to the Hurry-Up Crabbies and we all had a great time BEATING Hurry-Up! At the end of the day I sent a colorful note home with all the preschoolers so that they could have their parents help them at home too.
I am hoping that if I tie the blog to my preschool more, it will be easier to keep up with postings. With the start of a new preschool year, I want to remind parents that though I have always had the goal of preparing children for school, and in the beginning years focused much more than many others on the academics of using a pencil, learning letters, sounds, reading, counting, basic math skills, etc., I always knew that free play – time to hang out and enjoy being preschoolers was a given.
Over the years, with everyone else coming to the conclusion that I did, that preschoolers CAN learn academics, the focus has changed to a point I no longer feel comfortable with……….it feels way too much like pressure; pressure for me to teach, for parents to provide structure in many forms, and for such little children to perform!
Initially, CrabbieMasters was created to make teaching more fun for ME! (I didn’t like having to be the ‘boss’.) As it turned out, this approach eliminated a lot of stuff that got in the way of enjoying learning. Teaching became much easier too. As the pressure for kindergarten readiness grew, I saw the CrabbieMasters as a means of helping kids keep a balance. Recently, as early childhood pressure seemed really out of control, I wanted to have more of a voice and thought I would go beyond the website and teach community ed. I soon learned about the need for licensure as a parent educator. At first I thought it would be lots of theory that may or may not match with what I believe to be true after 30 plus years of working with children and their parents. I couldn’t have been more wrong. And guess what one of my major discoveries is? I am far from alone in seeing that too much running from one activity to the next and excessive pressure is not good for children.
I am in full swing of school now, having been accepted to the U of M Family Education Licensed Parent Educator Program and Masters in Education. I was definitely overwhelmed for awhile!
My daughters covered my preschool for 2 days while I took a class offered at the U of M by a well known parent educator, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. She is the author of Raising Your Spirited Child, Kids, Parents and Power Struggles and Sleepless in America.
The topic of the class was “Sleepless in America.” I jumped at the chance to get some facts to support my belief that Too-Tired is “The worst Crabbie in the whole universe!”…and I got exactly what I wanted. The book not only provides evidence to support the need for sleep, but also helpful ways to get a child that fights sleep to be on board with it. Many of Mary’s ideas work hand-in-hand with the CrabbieMasters, so I am delighted to have been able to take the class.
Just a couple of things from the book that were new to me and then I will promise to write sooner next time!! (I have been experiencing the Hurry-up Crabbies with school and work!)
The actual number of hours by age was not surprising to me, but I have not known for sure, and never felt real comfortable suggesting that anyone need this much!
Another fun thing I learned from Mary is something she calls the ‘red zone’ and the ‘green zone’. She uses the famous vinegar and baking soda experiment, coloring the vinegar red with food coloring to illustrate how we feel inside when we are in the red zone/ i.e. Have The Crabbies! My group of preschoolers LOVED IT!! AND if you have the vinegar and put cotton balls in it (we CrabbieMasters call those cotton balls ‘warm fuzzies’), the baking soda doesn’t cause the cup to run over…….that is sooooooo perfect!!
Hope everyone is having a good summer……..The Crabbies love summer also……..lots of opportunities with everyone trying to make the most of every day! Late nights, busy weekends………
AND, I am a prime example; I am running the summer program and taking these classes. I have made up my mind that I want to do fun things with my family on the weekend. What do I end up doing? Waking up in the middle of the night thinking of all I have to do!!
I need to constantly remind myself……..You DECIDE to make it a good day. If something goes wrong, TURN IT AROUND!! Don’t let yourself say “I Can’t!”……Say out loud, “I think I can, I think I can!”
The beauty of working with children is that you can do the above because you LOOK like you are being an example to them, when in reality, it works for adults also. Trust me, I live it!!
Now this blog is becoming therapy for me, but maybe if you are reading this, it will help you validate your own circumstances. First, Too-Tired gets me………from working hard and then not being able to sleep through the night.
Next Can’t-Do……..I am soooo tired that I can’t face all I have on my plate today.
Then it’s Hurry-Up……..well, if I am not a quitter, I better get moving.
And here comes Junk-Food…….wow, those peanut m & m’s really helped me feel like I was deprived of pleasure because I have so many ‘Have To’s’ on my ToDo list.
Oops, here’s Get-Along…….I really do think my husband could see that laundry on the table that needs to be folded…….how pathetic is it that after almost 30 years he can’t notice he could put my clothes away!
Okay, it really does work………holding the mirror up. I have now turned it around…… and, maybe I will have to turn it around in an hour, for myself, or help one of the kids that had soccer til 9 last night turn their day around, or be supportive of one of the parents………
I do want to keep up on this better, but I am still not in the swing of fitting school into my routine, so thanks in advance for your patience while I get better at keeping up.
My goal in taking on school is to enjoy it rather than stress out about it. In the beginning I did do a much better job than in my college days. I read the material as it was assigned and I studied the notes as I got them, so that I wouldn’t cram for the test. Great plan until the panic that set in just before the test when I imagined questions on topics that I knew I didn’t have a handle on. I found myself studying but not getting anywhere.
I am not sure how I did on the test, it WAS hard and there WERE questions that I wasn’t sure of, but I can say it was a great experience for me to go through. I have always been pretty good about understanding that kids get and shut down as far as what you can expect them to be able to do. BUT after my own experience I had a little bit more empathy - to the point that I told them when I could tell they needed a break and that I knew it because I had the same experience with my class.
AND I also have reaffirmed for myself the need for ME to have a CrabbieMaster attitude………not to let things get to me.
I will do shorter blogs more often. This is the new plan of the day!!
Next topic: Life is too short to learn everything the hard way.
The timing couldn’t have been better given the cold spurt we are having!
Monday was Wacky Monday and we kicked off the week wearing mismatched, backwards clothes.
It set the tone for the week……….have FUN!
And the kids are doing a great job of NOT BEING WILD!
Here’s a tip on how they did it. At the end of last year, the group and I came up with what we thought would be a simple and effective idea of something to do when things started to get too wild. It took this long for us to FINALLY implement it!
Like my mom always said, here’s what typically happens, “It starts out in fun. Someone gets hurt and it ends up with someone crying!”
The idea is that instead of trying to turn it around by me (the adult) telling everyone to settle down, I tell them ahead of time, as soon as you (one of the children) sense that something is getting out of hand, go sit at the table. If you (one of the children) notice someone is at the table, ask yourself if things are getting wild, and if so go sit at the table too.
This is a great example of ‘Kids-In-Charge’ and of Initiative and be an Example from the U.L.T.I.M.A.T.E. Skills. We always knew it should work, but it has been hard to get it started ‘in the moment’ versus in theory. This week someone finally did it! It has been truly helpful all week with all the extra craziness built into the day. Like with anything else, it has to be monitored so that one kid isn’t going to the table for everything!! We will come to a balance.
I think this idea could also work in a family setting. It really is a great substitute for timeouts. I am thinking that it would work if you only have one child if YOU were to go sit at the table. Think about it. You really just need to turn things around. If your child is being difficult and YOU go sit at the table, what could that do to accomplish your goal? I think it might work pretty well. I don’t like timeouts in that it makes the child feel shame and guilt and then you have THAT to deal with. If the adult were to go to the table………not saying that YOU did anything wrong, but sort of a neutral statement that things are not going well. I know that here, if I were to go to the table, and I just thought of it……..I should have done it myself rather than wait for the kids to get the idea on their own, I am sure the kids would notice me sitting there and join me. It would serve as an interruption in the conflict and we could all reset without that often times harsh interaction of, “Hey! Settle down. Go take a timeout.” Once things are calm, then you would be able to talk about what happened and the child would be in a more accepting place, having not felt horrible about him or herself.
and shut down as far as what you can expect them to be able to do. BUT after my own experience I had a little bit more empathy - to the point that I told them when I could tell they needed a break and that I knew it because I had the same experience with my class.
THANKS!!